Short Story

Fransisco Von Tarklantern

I wrote this


     The town of Jefferson, Pennsylvania is in a massive crisis. Ten years ago, an ill-advised plan to make Jefferson home to the worlds largest football stadium ended predictably disastrous, as it literally had no purpose. The town has been broke or close to it since then, yet it just reached the breaking point. When the Yummy in my Tummy smoothie company (which was Jefferson's biggest source of money and jobs), decided to take the company elsewhere 3 weeks ago, Jefferson was done. There was no money in the town, and they needed an absolute miracle to save it.
     Enter Jerry Borginson, a 55, fat, bald, man who tries to not associate himself with anything that the youth like. He hates flat hats, skinny jeans, the word swag, Monster energy drinks, and especially skateboarding. So basically everything that the super-cool kids in Jefferson like. Yet he had a brilliant idea to save the town. His brother, Harris, runs the Tony Hawk Foundation, which is Tony's big charity, and is very close to him. Jerry knows that he can get Tony in town for an event, and he also knows that would bring in lots of money for the town. But why stop there, Jerry thought. Why not get another skateboarder, who will almost certainly compete if they know Tony Hawk is, and gather up some of the best kids in town to all compete in a massive tournament? After all, Jefferson is absolutely crazy for skateboarding, so they should easily be able to gather up kids for the tournament.
     First, Jerry proposed the idea to some higher ranking officials in town. They immediately jumped on board, desperate for money to keep the town afloat. Once they were on, they spread the word throughout the elite of Jefferson, and soon, Jerry's idea was in motion. Once a skateboard competition was arranged for the towns youth, it was announced that the two finalists would get to compete in a tournament with two professional skateboarders. Everything was looking up for Jefferson, and it was all due to the brilliance of Jerry.
     Meanwhile, Jerry was having trouble convincing Harris to get Tony to do it. Harris kept saying that Tony felt that as a professional skateboarder, he had to remain sophisticated and classy, and associating with a town like Jefferson wouldn't do that.
 Without Tony on board, it looked like Jefferson would just have to keep digging for ideas to generate money, despite this being the best one yet.
     Even more unfortunate, as the town didn't actually have any professional skateboarder skating in the tournament, they still hadn't announced who they would be to the kids. As there was no cash prize for the kids tournament, there was no real incentive for anyone to do it, and with two days to go before it only one kid had signed up. At this point, everyone was frantically trying to get Jerry to contact Tony. And with Harris remaining stubborn, it looked like the whole thing would fall apart. So Jerry decided to take action himself.
      "Listen, Harris, if you don't get me through to Tony right this instance I will literally bomb your house and kill you, your wife, and your three children. You know I'm capable of this (Jerry got suspended in middle school for making a tiny bomb and planting in the wildlife preserve. It killed three deers)." Harris immediately gave in and connected him to Tony.
     "Yo what up homie, dis be Tony Hawk, your main man. How's it hangin' broskie?" Confused by 3/4 of his language, Jerry just told him his plan for the skateboarding competition.
     "O.K, Tony, let me just be straightforward with you. My town is broke. We have been for almost ten years, and the one thing keeping us afloat was a smoothie company, called Yummy in my Tummy, and they just changed locations. I came up with the idea to have you, another skateboarder, and some local kids who win a competition all go into a skateboarding tournament. We would charge twenty dollars for tickets, and hopefully we get lots of people from out of town to come. Our town is crazy for skateboarding, and the whole thing would be a massive hit. It's the only thing that can save our town, and we need you aboard. We will pay you 5,000 dollars upfront, and I know that's not that much to you, at all, but we really need you. It will only take two days from your life. Plus, the winner gets an extra 20,000. Please."
     "Alright." Tony said, after pondering for awhile  "I'll do it, just promise me I can compete on a nice skatepark. I am atrocious if I play on anything other than grade A quality."
     "Oh, sure, we have the greatest skatepark ever! You'll love it! I'll have Harris send you the rest of the info, alright?"
In case you've never seen Jefferson's skatepark, it is terrible. There is enough room for one person to skate at a time, if they do no tricks, and it also happens to be the home of the towns raccoon population. This is also why all the youth skate in the streets, which drives anyone over the age of 45 insane.
     Once Tony was on board, Monster Mike, the other professional, was easy to get. When it was announced that they were the two professionals, youngsters flooded the competition, and over 100 people joined. All were charged five dollars, and in the end, two kids, Freddie and Carl, won the competition, earning the right to skate with Monster Mike and Tony Hawk. Now the problem was the skatepark. With the 500 dollars they got from the youth competition, plus 20,000 dollars that they got from stealing from some company a couple of towns over (the towns government was extremely sleazy and corrupt. Whenever there was a budget crisis, they would free criminals from the town jail, on the condition that they could steal a certain amount of money from another town). 10,000 of the stolen money was going to the pros as their compensation for competing, and the other ten thousand went to the renovation. Within a week, they had a skatepark that could rival any in Pennsylvania. With the tournament starting in a week, they now needed to publicize the competition. With a couple of death threats from Jerry, they managed to get free advertising in the New York Times and the Post. Jefferson became flooded with ticket requests, yet it seemed they wouldn't be able to hold everyone. It was the first good problem the town had experienced in years.
     In order to fix their seating problem, the town built a massive bleacher section, capable of holding 15,000 people. You might be asking if that was making the same exact mistake as earlier, building a massive facility for something that will only be used once. And it is the same exact thing as earlier. In case you haven't noticed, their government is rather incompetent. Take this conversation for example between Jerry and the Mayor, a man named Alfredo Burns: "Hey, Alfredo, I was wondering if you made sure the cops and firefighters are scheduled to be at the event. I heard that you hadn't got them booked yet. Can you do it?"
"Let's be real, Jerry. That would me a waste of time. Why waste time, am I right? It's not like anything will happen."
"Do we have any doctors?"
"What do you think, man? Nothing will happen."
Jerry thought this was the worst thing he's ever heard, yet he couldn't bad mouth the mayor, so he just kept his mouth shut.
     It is one hour before the event, and things are looking good. Taking a second to take his wondrous creation all in, Jerry just thinks about how well everything is going. The bleachers are packed, the brand new skatepark looks fantastic, and Tony Hawk and Monster Mike have arrived on time. Freddie and Carl are loving the spotlight and the pro skateboarding association brought a few members to check out Freddie and Carl's skills. If they both did well, they could very well be launched into a career as skateboarders. And who knows, the event could even become a yearly thing with a TV deal! The thought excited Jerry, and despite being confused by this entire culture, he was starting to realize the money possible in skateboarding. For an unmarried man whose best friend was his cat Chunky, this was all very exciting and new. With a town that is absolutely mad for the sport, and apparently with lots of talent, Jefferson could become a hotbed for skateboarding. The possibilities where endless! Trying not to get carried away with his ideas, Jerry decided to strike up a conversation with Freddie and Carl. Although they where loving the spotlight, they where clearly nervous and frightened as well. "Hey guys! What are you thinking of this whole thing so far?" Jerry said, trying to sound relatively cool.
"This is pretty gnarly, bro. Way to renovate these halfpipes." Freddy said. Not understanding a word, Jerry turned the conversation to Carl.
"So, Carl, do you agree with Freddy about the halfpipes?"
"For sure, dude. These look as swag as COD tournament between Red Bull Ryan and Ryan Skechler!"
Carl and Freddy seemed extremely entertained by the idea of this fictional tournament and Jerry officially was done with the kids and their skinny jeans and flat hats.
"So, um, bye kids! Good luck in the tournament." Jerry muttered while walking away.
     The tournament is about to begin. The crowd is excited for some skating, and they are about to get some. Each skater would do a solo skate for 3 minutes, and then at the end they would get a score from 3 judges. This would be repeated 5 times from each skater, and whoever had the highest combined score would win. Simple enough, thought Jerry. Monster Mike went first. He started off with three mctwists in a row, which got a massive applause from the crowd. Then, he went up for a 720 spin. However, mid way through, disaster struck. Monster lost control of his skateboard, and from thirty five feet up he plummeted to the ground with an alarming velocity. The crowd was stunned. Any second Monster Mike would hit the ground, and the results would be nasty. Also, Monster, who liked to live on the edge, never wore a helmet. He preached this message throughout his life, and it would come back to haunt him. He hit the ground head first, and the instant he did everyone in attendance knew that he was dead. "Where are the doctors!" Jerry screamed. "Where are the doctors!" No doctor stepped forward. That instant Jerry was hit with the nauseating thought of his conversation with the mayor. Somehow, he had completely forgotten about it. They where not prepared for any emergency, and now that one had happened, there was nothing to do about it. Within seconds, people had flooded around Monster Mike, yet they realized that no doctor would have saved him. Still, the alarming lack of preparation was troubling to Jerry. Instantly, rioting started. The unruly crowd had somehow started a fire, and five minutes later, it was spreading. Jerry knew that there were no policeman or firemen on duty, and he also knew that more would be joining the death toll along with Monster Mike.
     Five days later, the town was a complete disaster. Fires where everywhere, and pretty much everything within a mile radius of the event got burned to the ground. The firefighters were all off duty when it begun, so it was hard to slow it down once it began. The total amount of recorded deaths was 47, yet that could be way off, for all anyone knows. Among those dead where Tony Hawk, Freddy, and Carl. In the end, the disastrous and incompetent government, once again, doomed the town.

The Littlest Hitler

This story was entertaining and fun to read. The puzzling, extremely ill-advised, mind-boggling desicison to be Hitler for Halloween and the dad thinking it was a good idea are the two best parts of the story, yet other than that I didn't really get other than that I didn't really get anything from. Entertaing, I guess.

Speaking of stories from ones childhood, there was once a time as a yungin that I got in a gnarly monster drink off with some local legends. In attendance were monster mike, priest David, big time bill, and rad Kelly Hillman. Now, I know what you're thinking. What a cast of people for a drink off! Everyone one of those people can take monsters really quick and efficiently! How did u ever compete with such legends. Well, I'll tell u how. I had to have all the dopest gear to be ready, so I hit up my swag advisor on twitter. He said I should try something bold. So I wore my earrings, shark tooth necklace, tony hawk tantop, baggy jean shorts, and heelys. In case u missed it, I wasn't wearing a flat hat. I reapeat, no flathat. So I show up to the competition, and everyone was dissing my style. They said no flathat no swag. That made me feel bad, as I was just a yungin who was just trying to prove himself in the world of competitive energy drink drinking. So I decide to retaliate with some disses of my own. "Oh yeah," I said. "Well u guys have no swag."
It was as if a bomb dropped. No one knew what to do. They were in shock of the diss they just got, and I took advantage. Now, in competitive drinking you have five minutes to drink as much monster as possible. So while they were in shock of the diss, I jumped to a early lead. They eventually recovered, and with 10 seconds left it was only me and monster mike who hadn't passed out yet. I knew I couldn't finish one more, and it looked like monster mike would, which would give him the victory. I had to act fast. So I quickly said; "yo mamma so stupid she can't tell dc boards from supreme boards."
I had done it. The ultimate diss. This made monster mike spit out his drink and have a seizure on the ground, which made me the victor. I won 3 lollipops and 12 dollars. It was the best moment of my life.
Never stop-sk8erboy1234

A Good Man is Hard to Find

This was an extremely exciting short story. It was set up nicely, and had a powerful and sad ending. The last line of the story, said by the misfit, was a very good ending to me. The line was as follows; "Shut up, Bobby Lee," the Misfit said. "It's no real pleasure in life." This went along with what seemed to be a theme in the book, that every person has some good in them, yet not everyone shows it, and sometimes it's not shown at all. The Misfit had the good in him, and at the end I think he realized it. This goes along with the title, A Good Man is Hard to Find. Most people don't show their good as they succumb to the other things in life. The quote on the first page talks about a dragon, a dragon that is necessary to pass to get to good. I think that the dragon trips lots of people up, including the misfit.

#pray4hawk #rad #L8ersk8ers -sk8erboy1234

Where are You Going, Where Have You Been?

This story, while very well written, was extremely creepy. Well, I guess I should say some of the characters were. Arnold might be the creepiest person/biggest stalker in the history of the universe. Ellie is just weird and his presence is awkward. Combined, they are a tandem of obnoxiousness who appear to have the main philosophy of male dominance=good. Throughout the story, you start to feel very bad for Connie, and the hopelessness and knowledge that it'll turn out bad starts to set in. Overall, a depressing story. However, I do have some conspiracy theories. 1. Arnold was her mom, and Ellie her dad. She isn't to favorable of them, and in attempt to win her over they have to forcibly take her away. They spend the next week at six flags, shopping malls, and the Dr. Pepper factory, where they get unlimited free samples, and Connie loves it. 2. Everyone is an alien. 3. Arnold is a time traveler. In 30 years, Connie calls Arnold a "stinkhead". This really hurts his feelings, and to prevent the whole thing from happening he attempts to show her "true love". It doesn't work.


http://www.titaniumteddybear.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/love-will-be-uncomfortable.jpg
This picture would be more appropriate if it was a boy, but whatever.


H8ers gonna h8 sk8ers gonna sk8- sk8erboy1234

A & P

This was a good and well written story, yet I can't get over how stupid the main character, Sammy is. I don't think he's supposed to be portrayed to be dumb, but courageous and someone that stands up to people. But to me he didn't come across that way. Quitting your job to impress some girls is not smart, and that appeared to be his motive, not standing up for them. Also, it seems to be a realtaively unimportant moment in time, but it is brilliantly written.

Lengel sighs and begins to look very patient and old and gray. He's been a friend of my parents for years. "Sammy, you don't want to do this to your Mom and Dad," he tells me. It's true, I don't. But it seems to me that once you begin a gesture it's fatal not to go through with it. I fold the apron, "Sammy" stitched in red on the pocket, and put it on the counter, and drop the bow tie on top of it. The bow tie is theirs, if you've ever wondered. "You'll feel this for the rest of your life," Lengel says, and I know that's true, too, but remembering how he made that pretty girl blush makes me so scrunchy inside I punch the No Sale tab and the machine whirs "pee-pul" and the drawer splats out. One advantage to this scene taking place in summer, I can follow this up with a clean exit, there's no fumbling around getting your coat and galoshes, I just saunter into the electric eye in my white shirt that my mother ironed the night before, and the door heaves itself open, and outside the sunshine is skating around on the asphalt.

This is my favorite passage because it confirms Sammys desicison, and he realizes how imoactful it will be for the rest of his life. There is also some things that are very descriptive which is nice. 

A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings

This story was nothing other than silly and fun to me. Any story about an old man with wings and girls turned into spiders is only considered silly, and it won't every surpass that to me, as it doesn't really have a climatic scene. The story pretty much says this happens and then this happens and then this happens and then this happens and the end. However, the last line does say the; "...no longer an annoyance in her life but an imaginary dot in the sky." This is said right after the man ( finally) flies off. The imaginary part makes me think that this might be fake and all imaginary, but I'm not entirely sure.

Three questions:
What does catechism mean?
What does antiquarian mean?
Can the "angel" talk?

stay true-sk8erboy

Half a Day

The short story Half a Day was good and promising for the first 3/4 of it, but I didn't really understand the point the ending was trying to make. The grandpa was reminiscing about his past as a young kid going to school, and his initial apprehension about it. While I'm not entirely sure, I think that the grandpa is trying to show how quick life passes you by. That is my final takeaway, and the more I think about it the more I agree. Originally, I did not know the grandpa was talking about his past, which caused confusion. Overall, this was good.

Keep dreaming- sk8erboy